Live it.. Then Say Something.... Moms!

read an article the other day a columnist was answering the age-old question, “Why can’t my stay at home mom friend ever call me back or set time aside for me?” I literally read the article with tears in my eyes….dreaming of a time when I was actually able to get a monthly pedicure. Or wash my hair in more than 4 minutes.
The article is from The Washington Post:
TELL ME ABOUT IT ®
By Carolyn Hax
Wednesday, May 23, 2007
Carolyn:
Best friend has child. Her: exhausted, busy, no time for self, no time for me, etc. Me (no kids): Wow. Sorry. What'd you do today? Her: Park, play group . . .
Okay. I've done Internet searches, I've talked to parents. I don't get it. What do stay-at-home moms do all day? Please no lists of library, grocery store, dry cleaners . . . I do all those things, too, and I don't do them EVERY DAY. I guess what I'm asking is: What is a typical day and why don't moms have time for a call or e-mail? I work and am away from home nine hours a day (plus a few late work events) and I manage to get it all done. I'm feeling like the kid is an excuse to relax and enjoy -- not a bad thing at all -- but if so, why won't my friend tell me the truth? Is this a peeing contest ("My life is so much harder than yours")? What's the deal? I've got friends with and without kids and all us child-free folks get the same story and have the same questions. Tacoma, Wash.

Relax and enjoy. You're funny.
Or you're lying about having friends with kids.
Or you're taking them at their word that they actually have kids, because you haven't personally been in the same room with them.
Internet searches?
I keep wavering between giving you a straight answer and giving my forehead some keyboard. To claim you want to understand, while in the same breath implying that the only logical conclusions are that your mom-friends are either lying or competing with you, is disingenuous indeed.
So, since it's validation you seem to want, the real answer is what you get. In list form. When you have young kids, your typical day is: constant attention, from getting them out of bed, fed, clean, dressed; to keeping them out of harm's way; to answering their coos, cries, questions; to having two arms and carrying one kid, one set of car keys, and supplies for even the quickest trips, including the latest-to-be-declared-essential piece of molded plastic gear; to keeping them from unshelving books at the library; to enforcing rest times; to staying one step ahead of them lest they get too hungry, tired or bored, any one of which produces the kind of checkout-line screaming that gets the checkout line shaking its head.
It's needing 45 minutes to do what takes others 15.
It's constant vigilance, constant touch, constant use of your voice, constant relegation of your needs to the second tier.
It's constant scrutiny and second-guessing from family and friends, well-meaning and otherwise. It's resisting constant temptation to seek short-term relief at everyone's long-term expense.
It's doing all this while concurrently teaching virtually everything -- language, manners, safety, resourcefulness, discipline, curiosity, creativity. Empathy. Everything.
It's also a choice, yes. And a joy. But if you spent all day, every day, with this brand of joy, and then, when you got your first 10 minutes to yourself, wanted to be alone with your thoughts instead of calling a good friend, a good friend wouldn't judge you, complain about you to mutual friends, or marvel how much more productively she uses her time. Either make a sincere effort to understand or keep your snit to yourself. http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2007/05/22/AR2007052201554.html


I go on this subject for hours. I struggle with this very thing from trying to manage being at home with my kids, manage the family schedule and manage my own sanity as a person. Some people just dont understand why I don’t have time to talk on the phone or answer emails all day, just jump in the car and go places and there are a few more that don’t understand what it’s like to have an ever-changing schedule. It’s frustrating because I am completely type-A want things in the great order that my family lives by and I am all about organization and structure. In our life I cant just fly by the seat of our pants. I try and explain why I am so busy or why the schedule must change due to my husband’s constantly being away from us for work and I end up stumbling over myself and then I sound guilty or like I a making up stuff. I mean its not easy with a 2 year old that wont sit still. I mean do you really want me there because I wont be able to talk because I will be chasing him down the street or constantly taking him off the top of whatever he is climbing that day. When my husband is home, he wants to hang with the kids usually. I will absolutely make sure that happens because there isnt really that much time they get with him...ha So enough of the explanations! Any stay at home mom I know knows what it is all about. Its so hard to explain. I started to think about what it is I do all day and I actually got confused sorting it out to be honest.
I think its an honor I get to be at home but I do what I got to do to stay sane but raise my children to be what I know they can be one day & yes I want to work at some point because after all thats what I LOVE to do- goals & obtaining them. I just challenge people to stay at home with their kids for 2 weeks then say something..lol I mean I can see where someone would have questions or concerns but once they are in the middle of it themselves then there would be a greater understanding.

I don't constantly need someone asking or nitpicking everything I do with my children. All I need is for my friends to know I give everything. Not why do you make him rest or why doesn't he take a nap? Why is he in time out? He can't have that? He plays with why?why are you so strict or let them fight it out? Why do you stop them? Have people forgotten THIS is MY "job" but most importantly this my FAMIlY. I know them the best. There isn't a day that goes by I don't research for advise from Psychologist, DRs, & other moms on how to handle things but every mom is different & if there is want, love, and effort there then I'm doing my job, period the end. If I need your input on what to do or need advise I promise I will ask. And FYI-if you insist on giving it remember the way/or how you say it MATTERS.
So all in all no, I do not have time to talk on the phone to you like I use to before the boys. And I don’t put my kids to bed at 5:00 so I can have “me” time (yes- someone I know actually does this!). I have no “me” time! Children are in my life- and if I do have time to myself its very late at all night and only get a few hours of sleep. And just so it’s said, it is the greatest job I have ever had and the most fulfilling. I love watching the kids learn and I figure someday, I will have plenty of time to myself and will be sad about it so I am going to put all of my energy into every question and situation.
For those few who don’t get it- try it or GET OVER IT.... Just being REAL & honest. I know there is a purpose for what God has for me as mom, wife and individual & really thats why I dont feel like I have to explain myself.

C&C (DAY 2)

C&C
Caden,
It was the sweetest thing today to hear you ask Grammy and Bump for a new bike so you could go play with your "new friends" outside. You always watch the little boys ride their bikes in the cove & do tricks on their bike ramp almost everyday but now you are getting to be a big boy so you can join in. Thankfully you are the sweetest but genuine little guy that tomorrow you will have a bike sitting at the bottom of the stairs. I think your little sweet voice got to us. I cant wait to see your excitement.
We had a great day today though. We stayed out in the front yard for about 3 hours today doing all kinds of different things. You rode your monster jeep and every other car you have in the garage. You also helped me with yard work since you are such a You great helper but I think you liked playing in the sprinkler a little more.

Cam,
I love seeing you try to be like a big boy ! You really do things that make me so happy. I love watching you discover & understand things every single day. Every week you are learning something new to say to me.
Cam you ran the whole backyard today. You figure out how to blow the bubble gun & fill up the whole backyard with lots of bubbles. That really made you happy that you could do that & we Caden and I had fun chasing them. You love being outside no matter what the weather is for that i love you makes that makes me laugh to see you dont care you just want to have fun out there.

"C&C " Starting Something New

Boys,

I am writing these messages title C&C to you to try and let you now how much I love you so one day when you are older and much wiser than ol' mom and dad & you think we don’t care I want you to read the days when you taught me to love you the most. plus it will be neat to look back on the days that your mom holds so close & will be talking about forever. This is why I care SO much:



"C&C"



Dear Caden,

I cant even begin to tell you how much I love you. You came into my life December 22, 2005 and changed it forever & I could never thank you enough. Holding you was the most amazing & indescribable feeling. You have the sweetest soul . Caden you are just a natural at loving, which is something I wish & hope I can be like someday. You teach me so much with your sweet spirit.
Like today ( May12, 2010) you said:

“Mommy I think you are just such a cute girl. You are beautiful to me & I love you marry me”

Caden, you made my day so easy by your sweet words. Thank you for being so kind at 4 years old. You make my stay at home job look so good.
If I didn’t tell you today, I love you soooo much!!!! We has a great time today picking daddy up from the airport from Mexico- You played every type of game you could think of in your head.




Dear Cam Cam,

When I think of you- a huge smile comes across my face with maybe even a little giggle. Your life literally lights up my life. You are full of energy and love for life keeps me going no matter what. Cam you keep us on our toes and makes me never settle. Thank you for being you & being that enthusiastic little 2 yr old. You make daddy being in Mexico not look so bad because you keep me and Caden entertained from your laughter, games, new words thought up in your head daily, singing, wonderful dane moves, to your fake tantrums with puffy lips. You always make me say :oh Cam Cam. Like today:

“Mommy, I got to have ‘boom boom’ now go there pweeeez” with those sweet cheeks and lips poked out
So, I say :oh Cam Cam” I will let you listen to music.

Finding Yourself Again

We all come to a stage in life where we are so busy tossing & juggling our lives and jobs that we lose ourselves in it for the most part. There are many fathers are so busy looking out for the well-being of the their entire family, fulfilling every need of their wife and kids that one day when they look in the mirror, they don’t recognize themselves. Dealing with many thing at the same time causes you to forget about yourself & what your wants needs are as man.
Women usually lose their identity and manage their family even though she too works equally hard in her job. But when she gets home, she changes her role instantly from the working woman to a cook, making dinner for the hole family, then teacher to check on her kids work, then a housekeeper to clean up from the whole day which can be a huge task I am sure. The things are endless and it is really difficult to prioritize because everything seems so important to make your life complete success.

It seems that people realize that they have lost themselves when they get older and the children have left for college or they are not home as much. Suddenly there is a void, and they don’t know how to live anymore or dont know how to get outside the box they are use to living in. Loneliness can be dreadful but in that moment its where you can dig deep & find who you really are without limitation & boundaries that surround us as being parents. Self motivation can be tricky but all it needs is determination. To find yourself again, Remembering that age should never a barrier. It becomes one if you make it. Engaging into different things or activities that you had missed out earlier would probably be a good start.

The answer lies inside all of us. It is just that we don’t reflect within & really face the issue instead we brush it under the rug & live the cycle of the thing you call life. Praying & self reflection really helps to bring out and tune with the innermost feelings. In the end, only you can live the life you always wanted, no one can do it for you.

The Power of Wise Words

Power of Wise Words ">

Lets Say Thanks!

If you go to this web site, www.LetsSayThanks.com, you can select a personalized thank you card that will be sent free of charge to a soldier who is currently serving in Iraq. While you canʼt identify a specific person for delivery, a member of the armed services will receive your thank-you card over the holidays. The less-than-3-minutes it takes to complete your thank-you card is sure to bring some measure of reassurance to a soldier who is separated from his/her family during the holiday season. I could not imagine what it would be like to let alone a solider fighting for our freedom but to just be in a family waiting for their loved ones. Its so easy for us to live our everyday lives & not remember what our United State soldiers are doing for us everyday. There will always be war & it will only get worse so lets do our part & GIVE THANKS for their sacrifice!!

It's 4:00am & I have a sick little 2 yr old!

I feel so sad when my little guy is sick. Sitting her just holding him & I feel so helpless. He may be sick & it's really hard to deal with while Steven is out of town but I can be thankful he is not terminally ill. I can't imagine with mothers go through. Not only would it be hard on a mom but a whole entire family. How to deal with that? I'm sure you eventually you learn how to & figure outt how to cope but just to think about it makes me just that more thankful in the really TIRING, stressful, tough times like these for me. Well hopefully we will find some comfort so we can rest because not only is Camden sick, I am as well. Oh the joys of motherhood.