Live it.. Then Say Something.... Moms!

read an article the other day a columnist was answering the age-old question, “Why can’t my stay at home mom friend ever call me back or set time aside for me?” I literally read the article with tears in my eyes….dreaming of a time when I was actually able to get a monthly pedicure. Or wash my hair in more than 4 minutes.
The article is from The Washington Post:
TELL ME ABOUT IT ®
By Carolyn Hax
Wednesday, May 23, 2007
Carolyn:
Best friend has child. Her: exhausted, busy, no time for self, no time for me, etc. Me (no kids): Wow. Sorry. What'd you do today? Her: Park, play group . . .
Okay. I've done Internet searches, I've talked to parents. I don't get it. What do stay-at-home moms do all day? Please no lists of library, grocery store, dry cleaners . . . I do all those things, too, and I don't do them EVERY DAY. I guess what I'm asking is: What is a typical day and why don't moms have time for a call or e-mail? I work and am away from home nine hours a day (plus a few late work events) and I manage to get it all done. I'm feeling like the kid is an excuse to relax and enjoy -- not a bad thing at all -- but if so, why won't my friend tell me the truth? Is this a peeing contest ("My life is so much harder than yours")? What's the deal? I've got friends with and without kids and all us child-free folks get the same story and have the same questions. Tacoma, Wash.

Relax and enjoy. You're funny.
Or you're lying about having friends with kids.
Or you're taking them at their word that they actually have kids, because you haven't personally been in the same room with them.
Internet searches?
I keep wavering between giving you a straight answer and giving my forehead some keyboard. To claim you want to understand, while in the same breath implying that the only logical conclusions are that your mom-friends are either lying or competing with you, is disingenuous indeed.
So, since it's validation you seem to want, the real answer is what you get. In list form. When you have young kids, your typical day is: constant attention, from getting them out of bed, fed, clean, dressed; to keeping them out of harm's way; to answering their coos, cries, questions; to having two arms and carrying one kid, one set of car keys, and supplies for even the quickest trips, including the latest-to-be-declared-essential piece of molded plastic gear; to keeping them from unshelving books at the library; to enforcing rest times; to staying one step ahead of them lest they get too hungry, tired or bored, any one of which produces the kind of checkout-line screaming that gets the checkout line shaking its head.
It's needing 45 minutes to do what takes others 15.
It's constant vigilance, constant touch, constant use of your voice, constant relegation of your needs to the second tier.
It's constant scrutiny and second-guessing from family and friends, well-meaning and otherwise. It's resisting constant temptation to seek short-term relief at everyone's long-term expense.
It's doing all this while concurrently teaching virtually everything -- language, manners, safety, resourcefulness, discipline, curiosity, creativity. Empathy. Everything.
It's also a choice, yes. And a joy. But if you spent all day, every day, with this brand of joy, and then, when you got your first 10 minutes to yourself, wanted to be alone with your thoughts instead of calling a good friend, a good friend wouldn't judge you, complain about you to mutual friends, or marvel how much more productively she uses her time. Either make a sincere effort to understand or keep your snit to yourself. http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2007/05/22/AR2007052201554.html


I go on this subject for hours. I struggle with this very thing from trying to manage being at home with my kids, manage the family schedule and manage my own sanity as a person. Some people just dont understand why I don’t have time to talk on the phone or answer emails all day, just jump in the car and go places and there are a few more that don’t understand what it’s like to have an ever-changing schedule. It’s frustrating because I am completely type-A want things in the great order that my family lives by and I am all about organization and structure. In our life I cant just fly by the seat of our pants. I try and explain why I am so busy or why the schedule must change due to my husband’s constantly being away from us for work and I end up stumbling over myself and then I sound guilty or like I a making up stuff. I mean its not easy with a 2 year old that wont sit still. I mean do you really want me there because I wont be able to talk because I will be chasing him down the street or constantly taking him off the top of whatever he is climbing that day. When my husband is home, he wants to hang with the kids usually. I will absolutely make sure that happens because there isnt really that much time they get with him...ha So enough of the explanations! Any stay at home mom I know knows what it is all about. Its so hard to explain. I started to think about what it is I do all day and I actually got confused sorting it out to be honest.
I think its an honor I get to be at home but I do what I got to do to stay sane but raise my children to be what I know they can be one day & yes I want to work at some point because after all thats what I LOVE to do- goals & obtaining them. I just challenge people to stay at home with their kids for 2 weeks then say something..lol I mean I can see where someone would have questions or concerns but once they are in the middle of it themselves then there would be a greater understanding.

I don't constantly need someone asking or nitpicking everything I do with my children. All I need is for my friends to know I give everything. Not why do you make him rest or why doesn't he take a nap? Why is he in time out? He can't have that? He plays with why?why are you so strict or let them fight it out? Why do you stop them? Have people forgotten THIS is MY "job" but most importantly this my FAMIlY. I know them the best. There isn't a day that goes by I don't research for advise from Psychologist, DRs, & other moms on how to handle things but every mom is different & if there is want, love, and effort there then I'm doing my job, period the end. If I need your input on what to do or need advise I promise I will ask. And FYI-if you insist on giving it remember the way/or how you say it MATTERS.
So all in all no, I do not have time to talk on the phone to you like I use to before the boys. And I don’t put my kids to bed at 5:00 so I can have “me” time (yes- someone I know actually does this!). I have no “me” time! Children are in my life- and if I do have time to myself its very late at all night and only get a few hours of sleep. And just so it’s said, it is the greatest job I have ever had and the most fulfilling. I love watching the kids learn and I figure someday, I will have plenty of time to myself and will be sad about it so I am going to put all of my energy into every question and situation.
For those few who don’t get it- try it or GET OVER IT.... Just being REAL & honest. I know there is a purpose for what God has for me as mom, wife and individual & really thats why I dont feel like I have to explain myself.